The RULES!

Hey there peeps!

It's been a while, I know. I've been a little busy... this and that, ya know?

On second thought, maybe you don't know, but I'm sure you can imagine the trouble I've gotten myself into... It's been a fucking fun ride too.. Heh!

Today I figured I would speak to the ladies out there. I need to school you on some rules about getting laid.

Now, don't roll your eyes at me. There needs to be some rules in place. It's important... and guys... quit your grumblings. Trust me, you'll be happy with the rules.

Ladies, I think it's important that at some point in your life you explore the dark, tempting world of one night stands. Now, I realize some of you will not agree with me. Whatever... then stop reading now and save yourself the aggravation.

Having a few or many one night stands is not a bad thing. Men do it all the damn time, so why can't women? Well, we can, but there needs to be some guidelines to follow. You have to keep your focus or boom, before you know it, you end up having feelings for some idiot that has no feelings for you and then, your heart is broken.

I say boo-fucking-hoo. You should have known better. No one finds their prince charming via a one night stand. And on the rare occasion that you actually do? Well, then consider yourself lucky and one of the very few.

So I've decided to set you up with some rules for the game. Believe me, it is a game and a good one at that. Every good game needs rules. So here they are.

1) No Cuddling - Absolutely, under no circumstances is there to be cuddling! You don't cuddle with someone you barely know. You want to lay around and chit chat because maybe you're not done for the night? Fine... be my guest. You can do this without cuddling. You can lay side by side or across from each other and talk... a less intimate version of what you might call pillow talk. There are no exceptions to this rule. NONE!

2) No sleeping over - Did you hear me? I'll repeat...NO SLEEPING OVER! Look ladies, in my opinion, sleeping next to some one is very intimate. And I know, you just had sex, hopefully good sex. The act itself can become intimate so you have to be careful. Again, you're not looking for prince charming, you just want to get laid and have a couple orgasms, if you're lucky. Women you are FAR too emotional and sleeping next to someone entertains that part of you that swoons when a man curls up behind you or wraps his arms around you when you're sleeping. Believe me, it's even happened to me. Yeah, I know... fucking crazy!

-- Now, there is one exception to rule #2. IF he happens to be too intoxicated to drive, you do have permission to let him sleep over. BUT, make sure you do not cuddle with him... if you are unsure why, then re-read rule #1.

There was this big yummy biker that I used to fuck around with. He had a girlfriend, I mean of course he did...Y'all know me better than that, but the bastard wouldn't leave when I was done with him. He actually had the balls to laugh at me the first time we ever hooked up and I had asked him to go. He turned over and went to sleep. We never cuddled. I never even entertained the thought of cuddling with him, that just would have been weird.

My point is that if you have to sleep next to him, at least do it safely.

I once told a guy when we were done "You can leave now." He started to reply to me and I raised my hand and said "I didn't ask you to talk, I told you to leave. I'm done with you."

He thanked me. He got on his knees and actually fucking thanked me. I think that's damn hilarious!

Notice that I also only referenced you bringing him home to your place. Be careful with this. Lots of crazy fuckers out there. I usually always have a friend with me. Strength in numbers and, well, God help the asshole that tries to fuck with me. It wouldn't be pretty for him.

If you go to his place then all the rules still apply. And there is no exception to the sleeping over rule. Take a fucking cab if you have to.

So, see? Not so bad was it? Nah... and I am sure the guys are quite pleased. Feel free to comment as you please. Let me know if you like my rules. "Rules by Ivy" Heh.. I kinda like that.

Catch ya later!

Ivy...